I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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