he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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