I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We named our party play list daddy issues
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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