Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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