This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
a search helicopter?!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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