Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
