I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
