I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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