when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
