I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
