her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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