Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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