the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The air was thick with penises
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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