Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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