I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
