If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
