I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
