Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
