It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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