nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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