I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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