I need to stop coming to work sober
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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