So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
