I hate all girls vehemently.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
