I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When did angry sex become our thing?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
