New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
