I didn't shave. On purpose
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
