atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
