May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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