During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Are we still banned from the library?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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