if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
