I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
