On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
