I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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