Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
