yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
