Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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