Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
