the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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