If i come over, it means nothing
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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