3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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