SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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