I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
