well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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