My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
