the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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