i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
