She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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