i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
