so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
