My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
