So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
