My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
