Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
