Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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