And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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