k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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