Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
