i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
