When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
